How Long Does Grief Last? Understanding Loss and Bereavement.

When a loved one dies, it can be difficult to know what to expect. You might wonder how long the grief will last or whether what you are experiencing is normal. In reality, everyone’s experience of grief is different, and there is no right way to feel after a bereavement.

As a counsellor, I have been with many different clients as they navigate what life looks like for them after losing someone they love. There are a few themes that have regularly come up when I have been supporting a client through grief, which I would like to share in this article.

There is no timeline for grief

There is no set amount of time that grief is supposed to last. For some people, the intensity of their grief gradually changes over time. For others, it can remain very present, or come and go in ways that are difficult to predict.

You might feel as though you are doing okay for a while, only to find that a particular date, song, smell, place or memory brings everything rushing back. These moments might feel like going ‘backwards’, but are completely normal within the non-linear experience of grieving. If grief remains particularly intense or makes everyday life difficult more than a year after the bereavement, this still wouldn’t mean that you are grieving ‘wrong’. It may just be a sign that some additional support could be helpful (Szuhany et al., 2021).

You don't need to reach a particular point by a particular time. Your relationship with the person who died was unique and so is your experience of living without them.

Grief comes in waves

Grief can be understood through the idea of ‘oscillation’ (Larsen, Hybolt & O’Connor, 2025; Stroebe & Schut, 2010). Rather than being permanently immersed in grief, we move between different states.

One of these states moves towards the grief: feeling absorbed in the loss, thinking about the person who died, feeling the pain of their absence and playing back memories. The other moves outwards, towards every day life, going to work, seeing friends and making plans for the future. Both of these are parts of the grief process.

Although it may feel this way, you are not being disloyal to the person who died when you think about the future. It is possible to miss someone terribly and still want to fully live your life.

You grow around grief, rather than getting over it

We often talk about ‘getting over’ grief, as though it is something that we should eventually leave behind. However, it can be more helpful to think about growing around grief rather than getting over it (Scott, Quinn & Chambers, 2026; Tonkin, 1996).

Imagine a black circle on a white background, where the circle represents the painful experiences of your grief. At first, you are fully living in the black circle and it takes up almost all of your headspace. As time passes, you can gradually develop more and more white space around the circle. The circle may not disappear or even become smaller, but there is more space alongside it for other things.

You might return to work, make new plans, develop relationships, discover new interests or begin to experience joy again. None of this means that you have forgotten the person who died. Instead, you can carry your grief while continuing to live.

You don't have to let go of the person who died

Sometimes we are given the impression that grieving means eventually letting go of someone. However, some people find it helpful to continue their connection to a person after their death (Klass, 2006).

You might talk to them in your head or out loud, write them a letter, look through photographs or keep objects that remind you of them. You might listen to a song you shared, visit a place that was meaningful to you both, or find yourself wondering what they would think about something happening in your life. The relationship has changed, but it doesn't have to end.

There are no bad emotions

As you navigate life after a bereavement, you might experience sadness, anger, disappointment, shame, resentment, relief or even joy. Some people feel guilty for laughing or having fun when someone they love has died. This sense of guilt can also come up around feeling angry towards or abandoned by the person that has died, or relieved that the caring duties for this person have come to an end.  These feelings can be difficult to make sense of, but none of them are wrong and experiencing them does not mean that you loved the person any less.

Counselling can give you somewhere to put it all

Grief can be difficult to talk about, particularly when the people around you have started to return to their everyday lives. You might worry that you are talking about it too much, or feel that other people have moved on and you should too. There may also be parts of your experience that feel too complicated, painful or uncomfortable to share with friends and family.

Counselling can provide a space where you don't need to make your grief more comfortable for someone else. You can talk about the person who died and your relationship with them. You can talk about anger, guilt, relief or resentment.

Counselling isn't about helping you forget the person who died or making your grief disappear. It can be about finding a way to carry your loss while gradually making space for the rest of your life.

Written by Izzi Norrington (MBACP), Counsellor.

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